Do we treat people like a one-night stand or do we show the level of commitment we would to someone we want to marry? And once we marry, do we work at keeping the relationship alive, or do we take each other for granted?
I can’t think of many people who don’t want to love what they do and feel they matter. Yet on the other hand, we hear of the difficulties organisations have in engaging their people.
So I thought I’d create the connection between work and love to identify the ingredients that can help unlock engagement.
“Luck – when preparation meets opportunity”
Just as you are unlikely to meet Mr or Miss Right if you don’t make the effort to go out and meet anyone; a job isn’t going to land in your lap if you do nothing.
When you apply for a job, do you know what you are looking for? Do you know what skills, talents and interests you have? Do you know where and how you can best add value? Or are you so desperate you’re just looking for something that pays the bills? Likewise, when you date someone, instead of looking at the entire list of criteria they should possess, have you taken a close look at yourself to see what you bring to a relationship?
“Oh how exciting, someone wants me, they’ve asked me for an interview/date.”
The question itself seems to validate someone’s worth. They’ve been noticed. Hope rekindles.
And then the panic sets in. What questions will they ask me? What should I wear? Am I ready? All along masking the underlying question – am I good enough, will I be accepted?
So you plough through endless blogs and articles, studying the dos and don’ts, making mental notes of what to say and not to say, all along contorting yourself into a bag of knots.
The bigger question is – if you haven’t accepted yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
“It’s fine (for now)”
Have you ever known anyone who is dating someone who they’re not planning on marrying? Have you ever heard anyone accept a job offer saying they’ll look for something else? It begs the question – what’s the point? Is the other person aware of the lack of intention or are they investing in something they hope will lead somewhere?
“It’s not in what you say; it’s in what you do”
We have all experienced people who have promised the world, but have they come through? Are they a person of their word or do they come up with platitudes and countless apologies whilst still showing the same behaviours?
As human beings we want to believe what people say, believe in them and that this time it’s different. And yet we keep experiencing the same let downs. At some point, one needs to realise the common denominator to these disappointments is ourselves. Are we discerning enough? Do we look for consistencies between what a person says and does? Do we have the courage and belief in ourselves, what we stand for and represent to say ‘this isn’t for me’ and look for what is right?
Many people seem to behave like one of Cinderella’s ugly sisters – so eager to fit into the glass slipper, they’ll contort themselves into all kind of shapes and sizes to fit in and be accepted. But after a while, those feet will hurt – just as the pain of not being oneself will one day become too hard to bear. So if you want engagement, use the four-letter word rarely uttered in the workplace – love.